At some point in your life you met him. Perhaps you are dating him right now. Smooth talking, cologne wearing, church going, “Good morning, beautiful” texting, fine looking COUNTERFEIT!
The counterfeit gentleman seems to have it all together on the outside…I mean that’s why he got you hooked right? He knows the right words to say, showers you with attention, and wipes you off your feet. After knowing him for 2.9 seconds you already decided that he is the one and named your 3 kids. However, just 6 months ago you were going through the same thing with another guy who broke your heart into a million pieces. Now you’re trying to figure out how to know if he is the right one or if he is just a counterfeit. Keep reading! I wrote this just for you.
Our society is flooded with counterfeits. Anything that is deemed valuable often has a cheaper knockoff (designer bags, clothes, money, and yes potential mates)! Some counterfeits are very obvious, whiles others are hard to differentiate. I can remember being in China and them having a grading system of the most expensive and sought after counterfeit handbags. The lower graded items had sloppy seams, the material used looked very cheap, and let’s just say if someone bought you that for Christmas, you would return to sender. However, the Grade A bags were in some cases almost identical to the real thing. It is those “Grade A” counterfeit men that are often hardest to resist because they are so close to what you have been waiting and maybe praying for. Ok, I hear you, “Tamalia, hurry up and tell me how do I know the difference between a counterfeit and the right man for me?!” Let’s look at 3 qualities of a counterfeit item and draw comparison to the “counterfeit gentleman.”
1. A counterfeit purse costs less than the real thing. Let’s face it. A Michael Kors bag costs hundreds of dollars, but you can get you a Michael Pors bag (yep, I think I made that name up) for probably $30 or $40. I’ve heard people say, “Well, why should I pay all that extra money when I can get something that looks like it for far less?” While I understand the economics behind this argument, I have difficulty accepting anything that is not original. I would prefer to purchase a “no name” handbag from Walmart than to buy a counterfeit one. (Disclaimer: I have nothing against people buying imitation stuff…whatever floats your boat, honey). How does this relate to the counterfeit gentleman? The “price tag” for him is similarly lower. What I mean by this is that the counterfeit man often seems to come so easily and quickly. You just went through a bad breakup and suddenly he appears out of nowhere. It’s almost as if they have a radar for women when they are single, lonely, and vulnerable. The counterfeit gentleman is your “Mr. Right Now” instead of your “Mr. Right.” He fills some void that you have. You have to ask yourself, “Why should I settle for this when God promised me so much better if I just WAIT!” Well, that’s the problem right? Oftentimes we are in such a rush that it literally pains us to be patient and wait for the right one. We want to go out on dates like everyone else on instagram right? My dear, it is better to be alone than to be with the right one. Also, you are not the only one who is single in the world. Most people do not post themselves alone on a Friday night watching Netflix (one of my favorite things I did when single). Sis, please stop wasting your valuable time that can be used to develop your gifts, focus on ministry, build friendships, create lucrative business ideas, and have fun while you are single! That counterfeit gentleman is stealing your focus!
2. A counterfeit handbag usually has worse quality and consequently is not as durable. From my perspective, a high quality man is godly, prayerful, respectful, encouraging, hardworking, and honest (just to name a few of his attributes). At first glance, the counterfeit man seems to have all of this and more. Perhaps you even met him at church and he has long conversations with you about God. Maybe he calls you to make sure that you get in safely every day. These are beautiful things. However, what differentiates a genuine man from the counterfeit is the motive of his heart. Is he doing these things ONLY because he wants to sleep with you or get some other secondary gain? Or is he sincere about his desire to ensure that you are secure and happy? I have good news for you. As tricky as it may seem to know the difference between the real and the fake, time will always reveal the true nature of a man (or woman’s) heart. Just like a knockoff bag or shoes may wear out faster than the real deal, similarly the heart of your romantic interest or suitor will be revealed. However, you must make up in your mind that you will not ignore red flags this time. If you have suspicions about a man’s intentions, pray about it, watch, and wait. Soon enough you (or someone close to you) will see whether or not he is “durable” through the normal relationship disagreements, misunderstandings, trials, and temptations. I was dating this guy who was initially so nice to me, lavishing me with compliments. Not long afterwards he completely switched and began degrading me emotionally and criticizing every little thing I did. How was I able to determine that he was a counterfeit? The passage of time!
3. A counterfeit can be pointed out by the knowledgeable, discerning eye. Costume jewelry nowadays is being made to look so fancy that people may think you spent $5,000 for that ring you are wearing and you’re like “No, boo. I spent $5 for this at Forever 21.” However, a trained eye is able to take a quick glance and differentiate between real and fake jewelry and gems. You need to have a “trained eye” in your life-a friend, mentor, family member or spiritual advisor that you can trust to tell you the truth about your love interest. Now, I’m not meaning Auntie Susie who thinks that all men are dogs because she is so bitter. You need a person who is objective, observant, and gives sound relationship advice. This person is important because they can help you pick up on things you may miss out on due to your own inexperience, blindness because of your infatuation (or his nice smelling cologne). Don’t be so quick to discount what others say about the man you are dating. A trusted, prayerful advisor may see things in him that you may have missed because you were too busy thinking about which dress you would meet him up the aisle wearing.
In sum, a counterfeit can never be the real thing. I believe that part of the reason the divorce rate is so high (even within the church) is that people give in to impatience and they settle for the counterfeit. The counterfeit brings more pain and disappointment in the end than you could ever imagine.
I have been tempted to settle for counterfeits. The temptation to settle is usually greatest right before you get the real deal. How do I know? At age 32, I married my REAL deal and I am so glad that I got rid of my counterfeits. There are some amazing men out there. They are the REAL deal. Don’t settle for a counterfeit when you can have the real thing. Like the song says, “Aint nothing like the real thing, baby!”